Ilyen egy négylányos apa brutál-valós élete! – fotók

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This week my eldest has been doing sex education at school. Shes very mature about it & having a midwife as a mum, they know a lot more than your average kid, no 'front bottoms' or 'nunnys' in this house, it's strictly a 'vagina' affair (which coincidently would be a great title for a drama series on TV) That said, she's chosen tonight (when @mother_of_daughters is away) to ask questions about men which makes me feel like an embarrassed child, but i promised to tell her the truth. My personal favourites – "do you wear a condom daddy?" Me – "Yes". Then why do you have so many children? Touchè. "Have you and mummy had sex more than 3 times?" I laughed proudly – "Way more……like at least 9 or 10 times" ( I didn't want to come across as a sex crazied maniac). Can wait to until she asks if I've ever masturbated…..I will actually curl up in a ball and die #sexeducation #shestheadultimthechild #sheknowsmorethanme #dontaskaboutmasturbationorilldie #ivedoneitloads #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #parenting

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 10, 2016 at 1:02pm PST

Well that was fun. @mother_of_daughters is away with the eldest 2 so I have the twins. Delilah was up & down last night more than a yoyo who'd necked a crate of redbull. As a dad, I usually have inbuilt noise cancelling and can sleep through an thrash metal gig but last night was something else. The neighbours must have thought I was skinning cats with a wooden spoon at 3.30am – the noise was endless – the kind of noise that cuts through you & drains you of any memory of who you are or what you're doing until your brain dribbles out you ear. They seem to have forgotten the whole experience and moved on. I'll just scoop up my eye bags so they don't drag on the floor. To top it all, the car is broken so I can't get to my brother's birthday. A shocker of a day so far. #brainonthefloor #alongwiththeeyebags #brokencar #twins #comehomeplease #parenting #fatherofdaughter #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 20, 2016 at 3:42am PST

I seem to forget to feed myself sometimes. I can get to 5pm and realise I've had nothing other than a cup of tea that's been microwaved 5 times and has a skin on it that's thicker than I feel after watching a documentary of dark matter. The twins, on the other hand, get 3 square meals a day spooned directly into their mouths. I tried crouching between them in the hope @mother_of_daughters would feed me too (FYI I don't have tiny arms) although I was rumbled by Delilah who kicked up a fuss. They have absolutely zero loyalty or compassion for me. Get between these girls & their food and you may just lose a finger. #noidonthavetinyarms #foodoverfathers #arewefeeders #theydontsharefood #nowonderimlosingweight #microwavetea #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 13, 2016 at 1:01pm PST

Another monday, another last minute rush to the shops to avoid the armageddon I.e running out of nappies, wipes & baby crack (milk) for the addicts. I basically live in this aisle of the supermarket now. New parents seem to gravitate to me as an "experienced parent" (i.e. the tired looking guy shivering in the corner) and ask "do you know where so and so is please?" My reponse – "Sure 3rd shelf, half way down on the left hand side, buy 3 & get a discount,although you want to use that in combination with blah blah blah." I'm like a walking encyclopaedia of baby product info. I used to use my brain to solve global corporate wide problems. I now use it to calculate bulk buy discounts. #ishouldgetanamebadge #bogofking #iliveherenojoke #dadbrain #lifeinthefastlane #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 7, 2016 at 12:45pm PST

Clemmie gave me a pretty simple job this evening – "go pack the baby bag" (we're going away for a night). A plan developed in my head (why can't I take anything seriously?!) I called her in – "well you said pack the baby bag!!", expecting a laugh. She didn't. I then suggested cutting holes in the bottom for their legs to hang out like those dog carriers but @mother_of_daughters was already less than pleased that i'd used her prized leather @kerikitbags for lols, so with my tail between my legs, I repacked. A shed load of nappies, baby crack (milk powder), toys they won't play with & a monitor – There was still enough room for half my family in there! #bottomlessbabybag #mobiletwins #howmuchstuffdobabiesneed #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 28, 2016 at 12:09pm PDT

Ottie's teething has made her as clingy as a winter cold and she refuses to be put down on the floor at the moment, so I'm doing everything with a 9 month old surgically grafted onto my chest. This includes baking (with mixed success – Her feet were just at the right height to kick the butter, the flour and my manhood, several times). I find it almost impossible not to take over and mix things properly but i must let them make a complete hash of it, so they learn too. I'm sure the cookies will taste fine and we can just pick out the egg shell. I'm also almost certain that no snot made it into the bowl either so that's a real a bonus. #shedbekickedoffbakeoff #snoteggcookiesummmmmm #ifindithardnottodoitforthem #backseatbaker #offtoabakesalewithyou #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 25, 2016 at 12:41pm PDT

Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the 'man zone'. I've become so used to sleeping on this limited area of bed real estate, that I'm confident that I could sleep on top of a wall & not fall off. On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long, kneeing me in the back and generally complains about me coming to bed too late, being too cold or my foot encroaching onto her territory. At least the bed's nice and warm, even if the reception isn't sometimes! I hope that next Sunday, on #NationalLieInDay, I'll not only gain another hour in bed, but more space – but it's doubtful ! If you want to regain that hour (and some space for that matter) click in the link in my bio, loads of great prizes to be won @SimbaSleep #bedrealestate #livingontheedge #girls #twins #daughters #therestoomanygirls #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #gopro

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 23, 2016 at 12:00pm PDT

Today I learnt a hell of a lot about nappies while at the @pampersus R&D facility in Germany. Did you know that in 5 years nappies will be self tightening like those Nike shoes in back to the future and have little LED read outs? Also they can hold a pint of liquid without creating a huge Bulge like an old man's crotch region? No? Well, I just made all that up, but the work that goes into keeping our little ones dry is pretty amazing. Think about it the next time you're changing a nappy and don't take it for granted. 10,000 people contributed to reducing your stress levels when dealing with a poo-nami. Cheers science people. #todayilearntaboutnappies #germansknowhowtododesign #theytesteverything #pampers #strangeworkday #fatherofdaughters #instadad #ad #dadlife

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 12, 2016 at 1:19pm PDT

Aki az anya képeire is kíváncsi, kattintson IDE!